It just isn't the same

I find myself checking my email 8,000 times a day.  8 something or other is usually my big number.  You know, the number that you say when you're stressing a point about how big something is, or how much something costs.  "If that house didn't cost 8 million dollars, I'd buy it."  That of course is just an example because I wouldn't even be allowed in a neighborhood that had houses of that caliber in it.  Not in Virginia anyway.  8 million dollars in California gets you a very nice condo, however.  They might let me at least look at the pictures of it.  Anyway, so email is a nice alternative to actually speaking, but it just isn't the same.


So Benjamin and I were very spoiled in 2009 for a Navy family.  Warren was home nearly every single night- actually, he was home every single night except for the month of January and even then he was only gone for four days.  I wouldn't say that year was an easy year for him work-wise, but he was home at night.  Maybe not home to eat dinner at a reasonable hour every night, but he was home.  I find myself wanting to tell him things all day long lately.  Texting is the joy of modern day technology.  Got something you want to say, but doesn't warrant a telephone call?  Text it!  That should be my new motto in life, I think.  Warren's phone will not receive texts in Haiti.  Oh yeah, he's in Haiti in case you didn't already know.  I find myself picking up my phone wanting to text him when I'm out taking Benjamin to school or running errands and something funny has happened.  Texting is another great alternative to speaking when you have the option, but it just isn't the same. 

So we sit and wait and try not to get sad because there are literally thousands of people in worse situations than what we currently have.  I mean really.  We have a house, we have two cars (paid for, woot woot!), and we have so much food it's probably sinful at times.  It's hard not to get sad though when Benjamin looks at a picture of Warren and says, "Daddy work.".  Benjamin never said that before Warren left because he just expected his Daddy to come home every night. 

It just isn't the same around here.

It's over.

I'm done complaining about how my house does not have a dishwasher. This is my biggest pet peeve about his house, but now it's over.  And no, I'm not moving just yet.

I have a window right above my sink and it overlooks my plum tree and a big wisteria bush with a flower box surrounding it.  We didn't know this house had a plum tree in the yard when chose to rent it.  Actually, it has a pecan tree, a pear tree, and a plum tree.  So this flower box surrounding the bush outside isn't spectacular or anything, but it will pretty much grow anything that you decide to throw in the ground.  Part of the area gets full sun and part of it gets shade because of the size of the wisteria bush and the plum tree, so quite a variety of plants will thrive in this box.  Of course everything is quite dismal out there right now since it is winter, but in a few weeks, this area will be rainbow of colors.  About two weeks ago when it was absolutely freezing here, I looked out the window while I was washing dishes and saw a bluejay and a cardinal perched on the wisteria bush.  This isn't necessarily uncommon since we do have a bird feeder nearby. 

I love flowers, plums, and pretty birds- all of which I would have missed if I had dishwasher.  People with dishwashers don't normally just stand in front of their windows and stare outside.  The resources for finding joy in such a mundane task have been with me all along, I've just been too busy complaining to notice.  So that's why I say it's over.  My complaining is over.  About the dish washing, at least. :)

Yes, it's true.

I'm totally pregnant.  Not just a little bit anymore- like almost showing belly and half a week into my second trimester.  Funny that I had to look the weeks up for the trimesters considering that the first time around I was a serious expert on all things pregnancy related.  I think I had my midwife online degree when I was pregnant with Benjamin.  I knew exactly what week the fingernails developed and how big the baby was at all times and exactly what medicines I could take and which ones were not recommended.  Now I have to look everything up because I must have misplaced those brain cells that enabled me to learn that material the first time around.  I like how some books call it "Mommy fog".  I think mine is equivalent to mountain fog on some days.  Shenandoah mountain fog. 

So if I'm completely honest with you, I must say that it's sort of hard to muster up any type of excitement over this pregnancy and the thought of having another baby.  Don't misunderstand me though, it isn't as if I'm sad or depressed, so don't go calling social services on me.  I think that it is mostly worry that I won't have enough hours in the day or enough time to take care of two children.  And not only two children, but rather Benjamin plus a baby.  Everyone says that your second baby is better than the first and it isn't as hard because you know what to expect and all that nonsense.  I'm not worried for the baby, I'm more worried for Benjamin.  Am I going to have enough time to take care of his needs as well as the needs for the baby?  I think that everyone wants to nod and say, "Of COURSE you'll have enough time for both of them".  And I know that some of you might have numerous children and none of them suffered and yadda yadda, so why would I worry?  I'm not a worrisome person by nature, really.  It's just that for those of you that know Benjamin and how we have given a thousand percent to him this year and how much progress he has made... and it concerns me that his progress will either stop or regress... and there will be nothing that I can do about it really.  And oh, what if we have another Benjamin baby... Well, if we do, we'll be armed with more knowledge than most parents could ever dream of having.  But then again, we could have a neurotypical child and then what would we do with ourselves? 

Armed reminds me of armor and armor reminds me of the song that you sing in nursery school called "The Armor of God"... just thought I'd throw in that mental thought pattern because Warren is always laughing at how my brain works.  The basic chorus goes "put on the armor of God, so you can stand"... you'd think that by the literal meaning of armor, you'd have a hard time standing because the weight of the armor would be holding you down... but God's armor is much lighter than the weight of the world, isn't it?  I think I'll go with that one.

What are you thankful for?

So here it is, Thanksgiving already.  And in the spirit, I'd like to post what I've been thankful for this year and also what I'll be thankful for next year. 

2009:  We've had a great year as a family.  Warren transferred to shore duty, so we've been able to see each other every day for almost a year.  Drastic change from 2008, that's for sure!  Benjamin has made great strides in his speaking and behavior, so that in itself could make for an entire post.  We are thankful for every forward step that he makes.  He truly is a sweet child. :)

2010:  We're thankful for children and the many blessing of them! 

writing and typing

So here it is, middle of the month and I have yet to post any type of miracle, big or small.  I have had lots of them though, I promise.  Maybe I should start scribbling them down when they occur so it will enable me to remember them.  Not that they are easy to forget, but rather more that I forget to type them.  I so often want to use write and type interchangeably, but they are indeed two different words with completely different meanings.. but I've found that in today's society, more people type rather than write.  I think it's more of a time constraint to write and you can't press backspace when you make a mistake.  I'd rather people not know how many mistakes I make while my brain and hands attempt to function together.  You'd be surprised how many words are left out when you type, but how your brain puts them in for you if you read fast enough. And with the whole letters out of order thing as well...

So some could say that the written word is lost and part of that statement may be true, but think of all that we're accomplishing in the saved time.  Interesting to note that most of the authors that the world considers brilliant only had pens and paper.  And sometimes not even pens and paper.

Little Miracle November 1

So many of you know from my facebook post that Benjamin was horrible Halloween afternoon/evening. The weather didn't exactly cooperate, so we had to change his costume around to a dinosaur who lives in the tropics (hah to my friend Raven) from just a regular dinosaur who lives elsewhere. (Where did they live, anyway?) So he had green shorts and a green shirt with scales that were made out of felt and a tail that was oh so adorable... and shoe coverings that I actually took the time to sew toenails on. Okay, well, I didn't exactly sew them on, I just used stitch witchery. Still, there was an effort made. :) So I put the costume on him and he went hysterical. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with those scales and literally ripped them off his shirt. I'm pretty sure he'd have gone for the scales on the shorts, but I saved them before the complete massacre could occur. I figure somebody can wear it sometime. Maybe he'll wear it for dress up one day.

So I had to sit and breathe and try not to get upset. Meanwhile, Warren was off getting candy for him because I had forgotten that Benjamin wouldn't actually be able to eat any of the candy that was given to him. Well, unless they gave him skittles or something like that, but I didn't want to take any chances of him not being able to eat any of it. He rarely gets candy. We still had Easter skittles in the pantry that I just threw last week. It had occurred to me much later that he really did do me a favor by not wanting to go out. He was sooo excited to see all the little kids come to the door dressed up. He particularly liked the little girls dressed as fairies. I think he thought that were actual fairies and that they were coming to see him specifically...and he had the most precious smile on his face. I'm not sure that he would have enjoyed them as much if we had been out walking around. So that sweet smile made up for the dinosaur massacre.

Little Miracles

So I'm thinking about doing a daily (and yes, I do know that is rather ambitious for my blogging style) post of little miracles that God shows me during the day. Now these little miracles will probably be more equated to happy moments, epiphanies, or perhaps an actual miracle. Since I'm rather new (okay, not new, but more like a "newb" as Warren says) at blogging, I'm not really sure what will happen when I update the post. Not sure if it will post a new date, but if it does, it does. You enjoy reading them anyway or you wouldn't be reading this. :)

October 30: We don't have a dishwasher, so you can frequently find me standing in the kitchen washing dishes. Interesting that I'm always washing dishes, but yet I always have dirty ones. I've had a dishwasher in my house for as long as I can remember washing dishes, so this chore can sometimes be a bit annoying for me. Benjamin loves listening to music and it does take my mind off of this boring chore, so I had some music playing in the background and "Hosanna" came on by Christy Nockels. I really love that song. So anyway, we have a window right above the sink, and as soon as the really pretty chorus started ("Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest"), I turned off the water so I could hear it better and the sun came up at that exact moment and shined right in my face. It was the sweetest thing. I really do love that window.