Ultrasound

So the mystery of the baby's gender has been easier to deal with than I had imagined it to be.  I think it is because I am simply too busy to fret about it very much.  Most of you have heard me say that you get what you get, and I truly believe that in that statement.  My life will go this way if we have a girl and that way if we have a boy, but life does continue to go on either way and it will most definitely change regardless if we have pink bedding or blue bedding.  We truly will be blessed either way and it has been fun not knowing.  Maybe I will get a little more anxious towards the end, we'll see.  

Warren thinks that we are having another boy, but I keep telling him that he has rather good odds considering the number of outcomes. :) 

Brain atrophy

Do you ever feel like your brain is slowly wasting away?  As it if had atrophy?  Sometimes I truly believe this is happening to me.  Really!  I can recall times when I felt genuinely smarter than I do right now.  My vocabulary was greater, I remembered how to spell words, and did not second guess myself on diction and sentence structure.  There are people in this world (Warren) who remember most of what they learn and there are people who lose skills from not using them (me).  I can be quite studious when taking classes and score rather well, but I will not remember anything that I've learned unless I use those learned skills.  My sister barely pays attention in any class and still remembers everything.  I'm not sure exactly how that makes any sense.  Sometimes I think the theory of osmosis really works in her case because she falls asleep reading all the time.

And on to reading!  I used to read all the time.  Really.  I know it's strange sounding now.  I read the same books over and over in high school and still enjoyed them.  I read the books that I was supposed to read in college and enjoyed them, too.  No idea where that part of me went, but I rarely read anything for pleasure anymore.  I can't even remember the last book that I read purely for pleasure.  We had a game at church the other day and my question was "What is your favorite book", and the only books that popped into my head were books on autism or child-rearing for special needs children.  Seriously, in what world would those be considered a favorite book?  Those are mainly educational.  Now I could have said the Bible, but honestly, that kind of answer seems trite in church and not really realistic.  I would categorize that as more educational as well.  So much of me seems absorbed by gaining information that I seem to be losing information.  Does that make any sense at all?  It sometimes feels like my brain just can not hold any more information, so it decides to "brain dump" bits and pieces of knowledge along the way in order to make room for more.  If I could just learn to purge my brain of all useless knowledge... that would be fantastic. :)

baby bell pepper

Babycenter is such a wonderful invention to mothers who already have at least one child.  Before Benjamin was born, I used to paw over baby books and knew everything that was happening every week/month.  It was all so interesting!  It is still interesting, but I just don't have the time/energy to devote to reading about babies.  Babycenter will gladly send you an email (or ten) a day if you sign up, and some of them are very informational.  For instance, today I read that my baby is about the size of a bell pepper all tucked up.  Isn't that adorable?  Baby Bell.  We haven't come up with names yet, but I think that Bella is a cute name.  Too bad it's already the name of a pet in our family.  I doubt that Warren would go for that sort of thing anyway for a little boy since he is determined that is what we're having.  Not knowing is sort of fun, really.  

It just isn't the same

I find myself checking my email 8,000 times a day.  8 something or other is usually my big number.  You know, the number that you say when you're stressing a point about how big something is, or how much something costs.  "If that house didn't cost 8 million dollars, I'd buy it."  That of course is just an example because I wouldn't even be allowed in a neighborhood that had houses of that caliber in it.  Not in Virginia anyway.  8 million dollars in California gets you a very nice condo, however.  They might let me at least look at the pictures of it.  Anyway, so email is a nice alternative to actually speaking, but it just isn't the same.


So Benjamin and I were very spoiled in 2009 for a Navy family.  Warren was home nearly every single night- actually, he was home every single night except for the month of January and even then he was only gone for four days.  I wouldn't say that year was an easy year for him work-wise, but he was home at night.  Maybe not home to eat dinner at a reasonable hour every night, but he was home.  I find myself wanting to tell him things all day long lately.  Texting is the joy of modern day technology.  Got something you want to say, but doesn't warrant a telephone call?  Text it!  That should be my new motto in life, I think.  Warren's phone will not receive texts in Haiti.  Oh yeah, he's in Haiti in case you didn't already know.  I find myself picking up my phone wanting to text him when I'm out taking Benjamin to school or running errands and something funny has happened.  Texting is another great alternative to speaking when you have the option, but it just isn't the same. 

So we sit and wait and try not to get sad because there are literally thousands of people in worse situations than what we currently have.  I mean really.  We have a house, we have two cars (paid for, woot woot!), and we have so much food it's probably sinful at times.  It's hard not to get sad though when Benjamin looks at a picture of Warren and says, "Daddy work.".  Benjamin never said that before Warren left because he just expected his Daddy to come home every night. 

It just isn't the same around here.

It's over.

I'm done complaining about how my house does not have a dishwasher. This is my biggest pet peeve about his house, but now it's over.  And no, I'm not moving just yet.

I have a window right above my sink and it overlooks my plum tree and a big wisteria bush with a flower box surrounding it.  We didn't know this house had a plum tree in the yard when chose to rent it.  Actually, it has a pecan tree, a pear tree, and a plum tree.  So this flower box surrounding the bush outside isn't spectacular or anything, but it will pretty much grow anything that you decide to throw in the ground.  Part of the area gets full sun and part of it gets shade because of the size of the wisteria bush and the plum tree, so quite a variety of plants will thrive in this box.  Of course everything is quite dismal out there right now since it is winter, but in a few weeks, this area will be rainbow of colors.  About two weeks ago when it was absolutely freezing here, I looked out the window while I was washing dishes and saw a bluejay and a cardinal perched on the wisteria bush.  This isn't necessarily uncommon since we do have a bird feeder nearby. 

I love flowers, plums, and pretty birds- all of which I would have missed if I had dishwasher.  People with dishwashers don't normally just stand in front of their windows and stare outside.  The resources for finding joy in such a mundane task have been with me all along, I've just been too busy complaining to notice.  So that's why I say it's over.  My complaining is over.  About the dish washing, at least. :)

Yes, it's true.

I'm totally pregnant.  Not just a little bit anymore- like almost showing belly and half a week into my second trimester.  Funny that I had to look the weeks up for the trimesters considering that the first time around I was a serious expert on all things pregnancy related.  I think I had my midwife online degree when I was pregnant with Benjamin.  I knew exactly what week the fingernails developed and how big the baby was at all times and exactly what medicines I could take and which ones were not recommended.  Now I have to look everything up because I must have misplaced those brain cells that enabled me to learn that material the first time around.  I like how some books call it "Mommy fog".  I think mine is equivalent to mountain fog on some days.  Shenandoah mountain fog. 

So if I'm completely honest with you, I must say that it's sort of hard to muster up any type of excitement over this pregnancy and the thought of having another baby.  Don't misunderstand me though, it isn't as if I'm sad or depressed, so don't go calling social services on me.  I think that it is mostly worry that I won't have enough hours in the day or enough time to take care of two children.  And not only two children, but rather Benjamin plus a baby.  Everyone says that your second baby is better than the first and it isn't as hard because you know what to expect and all that nonsense.  I'm not worried for the baby, I'm more worried for Benjamin.  Am I going to have enough time to take care of his needs as well as the needs for the baby?  I think that everyone wants to nod and say, "Of COURSE you'll have enough time for both of them".  And I know that some of you might have numerous children and none of them suffered and yadda yadda, so why would I worry?  I'm not a worrisome person by nature, really.  It's just that for those of you that know Benjamin and how we have given a thousand percent to him this year and how much progress he has made... and it concerns me that his progress will either stop or regress... and there will be nothing that I can do about it really.  And oh, what if we have another Benjamin baby... Well, if we do, we'll be armed with more knowledge than most parents could ever dream of having.  But then again, we could have a neurotypical child and then what would we do with ourselves? 

Armed reminds me of armor and armor reminds me of the song that you sing in nursery school called "The Armor of God"... just thought I'd throw in that mental thought pattern because Warren is always laughing at how my brain works.  The basic chorus goes "put on the armor of God, so you can stand"... you'd think that by the literal meaning of armor, you'd have a hard time standing because the weight of the armor would be holding you down... but God's armor is much lighter than the weight of the world, isn't it?  I think I'll go with that one.

What are you thankful for?

So here it is, Thanksgiving already.  And in the spirit, I'd like to post what I've been thankful for this year and also what I'll be thankful for next year. 

2009:  We've had a great year as a family.  Warren transferred to shore duty, so we've been able to see each other every day for almost a year.  Drastic change from 2008, that's for sure!  Benjamin has made great strides in his speaking and behavior, so that in itself could make for an entire post.  We are thankful for every forward step that he makes.  He truly is a sweet child. :)

2010:  We're thankful for children and the many blessing of them!