Yes, it's true.

I'm totally pregnant.  Not just a little bit anymore- like almost showing belly and half a week into my second trimester.  Funny that I had to look the weeks up for the trimesters considering that the first time around I was a serious expert on all things pregnancy related.  I think I had my midwife online degree when I was pregnant with Benjamin.  I knew exactly what week the fingernails developed and how big the baby was at all times and exactly what medicines I could take and which ones were not recommended.  Now I have to look everything up because I must have misplaced those brain cells that enabled me to learn that material the first time around.  I like how some books call it "Mommy fog".  I think mine is equivalent to mountain fog on some days.  Shenandoah mountain fog. 

So if I'm completely honest with you, I must say that it's sort of hard to muster up any type of excitement over this pregnancy and the thought of having another baby.  Don't misunderstand me though, it isn't as if I'm sad or depressed, so don't go calling social services on me.  I think that it is mostly worry that I won't have enough hours in the day or enough time to take care of two children.  And not only two children, but rather Benjamin plus a baby.  Everyone says that your second baby is better than the first and it isn't as hard because you know what to expect and all that nonsense.  I'm not worried for the baby, I'm more worried for Benjamin.  Am I going to have enough time to take care of his needs as well as the needs for the baby?  I think that everyone wants to nod and say, "Of COURSE you'll have enough time for both of them".  And I know that some of you might have numerous children and none of them suffered and yadda yadda, so why would I worry?  I'm not a worrisome person by nature, really.  It's just that for those of you that know Benjamin and how we have given a thousand percent to him this year and how much progress he has made... and it concerns me that his progress will either stop or regress... and there will be nothing that I can do about it really.  And oh, what if we have another Benjamin baby... Well, if we do, we'll be armed with more knowledge than most parents could ever dream of having.  But then again, we could have a neurotypical child and then what would we do with ourselves? 

Armed reminds me of armor and armor reminds me of the song that you sing in nursery school called "The Armor of God"... just thought I'd throw in that mental thought pattern because Warren is always laughing at how my brain works.  The basic chorus goes "put on the armor of God, so you can stand"... you'd think that by the literal meaning of armor, you'd have a hard time standing because the weight of the armor would be holding you down... but God's armor is much lighter than the weight of the world, isn't it?  I think I'll go with that one.

What are you thankful for?

So here it is, Thanksgiving already.  And in the spirit, I'd like to post what I've been thankful for this year and also what I'll be thankful for next year. 

2009:  We've had a great year as a family.  Warren transferred to shore duty, so we've been able to see each other every day for almost a year.  Drastic change from 2008, that's for sure!  Benjamin has made great strides in his speaking and behavior, so that in itself could make for an entire post.  We are thankful for every forward step that he makes.  He truly is a sweet child. :)

2010:  We're thankful for children and the many blessing of them! 

writing and typing

So here it is, middle of the month and I have yet to post any type of miracle, big or small.  I have had lots of them though, I promise.  Maybe I should start scribbling them down when they occur so it will enable me to remember them.  Not that they are easy to forget, but rather more that I forget to type them.  I so often want to use write and type interchangeably, but they are indeed two different words with completely different meanings.. but I've found that in today's society, more people type rather than write.  I think it's more of a time constraint to write and you can't press backspace when you make a mistake.  I'd rather people not know how many mistakes I make while my brain and hands attempt to function together.  You'd be surprised how many words are left out when you type, but how your brain puts them in for you if you read fast enough. And with the whole letters out of order thing as well...

So some could say that the written word is lost and part of that statement may be true, but think of all that we're accomplishing in the saved time.  Interesting to note that most of the authors that the world considers brilliant only had pens and paper.  And sometimes not even pens and paper.

Little Miracle November 1

So many of you know from my facebook post that Benjamin was horrible Halloween afternoon/evening. The weather didn't exactly cooperate, so we had to change his costume around to a dinosaur who lives in the tropics (hah to my friend Raven) from just a regular dinosaur who lives elsewhere. (Where did they live, anyway?) So he had green shorts and a green shirt with scales that were made out of felt and a tail that was oh so adorable... and shoe coverings that I actually took the time to sew toenails on. Okay, well, I didn't exactly sew them on, I just used stitch witchery. Still, there was an effort made. :) So I put the costume on him and he went hysterical. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with those scales and literally ripped them off his shirt. I'm pretty sure he'd have gone for the scales on the shorts, but I saved them before the complete massacre could occur. I figure somebody can wear it sometime. Maybe he'll wear it for dress up one day.

So I had to sit and breathe and try not to get upset. Meanwhile, Warren was off getting candy for him because I had forgotten that Benjamin wouldn't actually be able to eat any of the candy that was given to him. Well, unless they gave him skittles or something like that, but I didn't want to take any chances of him not being able to eat any of it. He rarely gets candy. We still had Easter skittles in the pantry that I just threw last week. It had occurred to me much later that he really did do me a favor by not wanting to go out. He was sooo excited to see all the little kids come to the door dressed up. He particularly liked the little girls dressed as fairies. I think he thought that were actual fairies and that they were coming to see him specifically...and he had the most precious smile on his face. I'm not sure that he would have enjoyed them as much if we had been out walking around. So that sweet smile made up for the dinosaur massacre.

Little Miracles

So I'm thinking about doing a daily (and yes, I do know that is rather ambitious for my blogging style) post of little miracles that God shows me during the day. Now these little miracles will probably be more equated to happy moments, epiphanies, or perhaps an actual miracle. Since I'm rather new (okay, not new, but more like a "newb" as Warren says) at blogging, I'm not really sure what will happen when I update the post. Not sure if it will post a new date, but if it does, it does. You enjoy reading them anyway or you wouldn't be reading this. :)

October 30: We don't have a dishwasher, so you can frequently find me standing in the kitchen washing dishes. Interesting that I'm always washing dishes, but yet I always have dirty ones. I've had a dishwasher in my house for as long as I can remember washing dishes, so this chore can sometimes be a bit annoying for me. Benjamin loves listening to music and it does take my mind off of this boring chore, so I had some music playing in the background and "Hosanna" came on by Christy Nockels. I really love that song. So anyway, we have a window right above the sink, and as soon as the really pretty chorus started ("Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest"), I turned off the water so I could hear it better and the sun came up at that exact moment and shined right in my face. It was the sweetest thing. I really do love that window.

surprising conversations amongst strangers

So we've all had a cold this week and colds make me want to eat soup. I rarely eat soup even though I really enjoy it. Warren loves soup. I think it's a yankee thing. So anyway, while in Farm Fresh on the soup aisle (Which is quite the swanky grocery store even though most people there are buying spam and hamburger helper, no idea how they really stay in business.), I happened to hear a conversation between two young girls- twenty was probably a stretch for either of them. One of the girls picked up some soup and turned it around to read the label and said, "Oh, no, this has MSG." I found it interesting that someone of that age even knew what MSG was and cared enough to try to avoid it. She was right, MSG is horrible for you.

Oh, and I do realize how Farm Fresh stays in business- $9.79 gluten free pretzels, $5.29 gluten free cereal, and $6.29 rice bread. Seriously, I think all the celiacs and those who choose to eat gf in the area are keeping them above bankruptcy.

the surgery

So the whole thing went well. I had no complications during surgery and have yet to have any complications afterward. The whole thing is still somewhat surreal to me. Did I really have an organ taken out? Have I really had two surgeries in the last three years, one being a major, albeit common one? Yeah, I think I did because I have the one rather large scar and the more recent four little ones developing.

Yay for modern medicine. You got a problem and yo they solve it. hehe....

Gallbladder

So who really needs one anyway? Should it be a big deal that they're going to take an organ out of me? There are a few organs that seem to be nonessential.... like your appendix... gallbladder... I've even heard of people living without their spleens. Part of me wonders what the long term affects are of removing organs. Who are we to choose which ones are important and which ones are not? How long ago was it that we thought the earth was flat? Even still, I am quite at peace with willingly giving up an organ.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

P.S. Awesome verse.

It's official

Umm.... so yeah.... I don't normally criticize myself in such a public forum, but it's official now: I'm a bit of a chunky monkey. Okay, some of you may be rolling your eyes, but I swear that I'm only a few pounds to being in the morbidly obese category. I'm not really sure of how it happened to be honest. I think it's just a combination of small events that have added up to make a big event. Benjamin no longer requires me to stroll him for hours on end and a pound a month over a year adds up quickly. This is a big deal when you're short. Five pounds puts me in a different size clothing! I'd like those sizes to decrease rather than increase.

So I'm making myself accountable to you, dear reader.

He makes all things new

I love Spring. Plants are blooming again, people are out grilling, and you can hear the happy shouts of children all over your neighborhood. Can you not help but smile when you hear a child laughing? Spring makes me happy indeed...

Warren was deployed last summer and I left to visit my family for a couple of months. During this time, HR underwent a serious drought and when I returned, my yard literally looked as if it had caught fire. Everything was black! I had to chop everything down and hope for the best this Spring. Before I left, I dug up some older plants and planted two hydrangea bushes right up front. These two sad plants crumbled to the touch when I came back home. I left them in the ground and still hoped for the best.

About three days ago, I was outside fiddling round in my yard while Benjamin napped and alas, my favorite plant had teeny tiny leaves coming from the ground. I immediately thought of this verse and the ever popular song verse, "He makes all things new". If God can bring this plant back from complete ruins of the severe drought last year, imagine what He can do in your life with regular waterings.




Revelation 21:1-8

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband; and I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling of God is with men. He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away." And he who sat upon the throne said, "Behold I make all things new." Also he said, "Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true." And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the fountain of the water of life without payment. He who conquers shall have this heritage, and I will be his God and he shall be my son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the polluted, as for murderers, fornicators, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their lot shall be in the lake that burns with fire and sulphur, which is the second death."

While doing my research for gluten free foods, I stumbled upon some very interesting articles about ingredients in fast foods. I would not necessarily label myself as "granola", but I am definitely above the average mark for attempts at providing my family with healthy meals and snacks. We do have our occasional fried chicken, but I am from the South, so you are going to have to work with me on that one. :)

McDonald's: I've never been a huge of of Mcd's, but I do enjoy their steak bagels and sweet tea. (Of course, who doesn't like their tea? You'd have to be some sort of weirdo to not enjoy it. I've mentioned before that I think they put small amounts of crack in it.) Here is the general run down of their ingredient list and I'll try to not be too scientific:

• The fried chicken has sodium phosphates. Yes, sodium phosphate is a foaming agent. Then they also add an ingredient which minimizes the foaming. Odd. I guess you'd have to find this ingredient hovering around the soap at the grocery store. Or Lowe's. I know, let's all go to Lowe's next time we want quality ingredients for our kids. They even have a military discount.
  
• Several of the salads have glazes that contain an ingredient used to trap ground beetles. This ingredient is considered safe for human consumption, but not legal for use in cat food because it hasn't been declared safe just yet. Is PETA warning people not to feed their pets salads from here? I think they should seriously look in to it since it could turn in to a real problem for our feline friends.

Burger King: It's a good thing we never eat here.

• The salad itself is basically okay, but the dressings contain titanium dioxide. Yes, that's the same stuff in your sunscreen. Is it particularly sunny inside a BK? Or better yet, are they really doing an experiment for the gov't on the potential affects of ingesting sunscreen and decreased sun damage? I'm doubting it.
  
• Most of their food contains MSG and they hide it in their ingredient list by disguising it as other ingredients. Pretty typical of fast food restaurants.
  

Taco Bell: Warren loves this place. There is not much to be said that isn't known to the general public already. You get what you get with this place. You don't go there expecting good food. Most of their food contains MSG as well.

Wendy's:

• The chili contains silicone dioxide, which is used to prevent caking. The base of this chemical is silica, which is a form of sand or powdered glass. Yummy.
• Again with the salad dressings containing sunscreen and MSG.

So, to recap, if you want a little sunscreen in your diet, your best bet would be to eat some salads. Or better yet, if you want some really great sand, check out Wendy's because I hear it's simply delicious there. Oh, and the best one, if beetles are eating your roses this summer, just stop by your McDonald's and pick up a salad and just use it like mulch.

Saved by Grace

This was never posted for some reason... guess I forgot to post it. :) Update: Warren is now at his new command, crappy eval in tow and no award. The lion's den was escaped though.


Warren was saved by grace... Very interesting story, actually. The whole ordeal that was hugely blown out of proportion is coming to an end next week. Warren does have to go and see his boss, but isn't as bad as it could have been. He simply gets a letter that says he made a mistake and that he should have known better. Mistakes do happen, we're all human.

The interesting part of the story involves the people sent to investigate and help Warren. The helper was actually a retired Catholic Bishop (not sure why he's retired, but nonetheless...) who trained Warren and his guys on how to operate a particular program on their ship. (And just for the record, the mistakes that happened centered around poor training to begin with.) He was there for a week and calmed Warren's nerves during this extremely stressful time. You could say that they are now "shipshape", if you want an actual nautical term. The second interesting man would be the investigator they sent over. This man was crucial in determining if Warren would be in serious trouble. Warren knew he really had to impress him with his "mad skills". (Mad skills are the equivalent of really good skills. It's slang, I know.) The day of the meeting, Warren was speaking with the new chief's mate, which is like the XO on a Navy ship and apparently he knew the investigator, so he wanted to talk with him before the investigation began. By the time he sat down with Warren, it was all basically smoothed over. This was a HUGE blessing for Warren because he was seriously sweating this interview.

I'm one of those people who truly believes that given time, good prevails over evil. What exactly constitutes the difference between good and evil? Is it all perspective or is there really a line to be drawn between the two? And who really tells us?

I'm not having a debate in my mind about obvious things such as stealing or killing. Nothing that serious. Warren is having a little conundrum at work and it really makes you question why things happen. I don't necessarily believe that a good job will always equal good rewards. Warren has always performed well at work and has received the blessings of good rewards most of the time. But now, he's made a simple mistake and he's being dragged through hell and back for it. Every day seems to be worse than the day before. His ship has failed an inspection that is mostly centered around the lack of correct paperwork, and most of it was fixed in a single day. It was an honest mistake for him, and yet they are responding well over the appropriate amount of disciple required. My immediate response is not the question of "why him, why us", but more just the general question of "why".

Is it wrong of me to think of these people as evil because they do not know Warren from Adam, and yet they want to throw him into the lion's den anyway? Or really is there something else behind it? I can't help but to think that in this economy, jobs must be justified because of the lack of funds that all companies are experiencing right now. Of course Warren's job is secure, but the "evil" people that are persecuting him are civilians. Will their job be more secure if they make an example of someone else? Is that the good, the flip side of this story? Making Warren go through this demise just to save another person's job who isn't as secure... someone who probably has a family of their own to support? Is that really a good thing or an evil thing? Good for them, evil for Warren. This situation definitely depends on perspective.

I do have a calmness about the situation in that whatever happens, happens. The world will keep spinning and we'll wake up to see another day. I have no fear, honestly. I can't say the same for Warren, but I'll believe enough for the two of us right now.

Hobbies: God given or personally driven?

Do you ever wonder how much of your life is actually molded by God's voice, or his direction? How much of your personal interests are given to you by God rather than you taking them for your own? How many times do we miss the mark on becoming more knowledgeable on these interests? Have you ever been in a situation where you could have helped someone immensely had you had more knowledge on the given subject? Could you have been more helpful to the elderly widow across the street if you knew the perfect recipe for brownies? I know that sounds silly, but when you know that your neighbor's birthday is right around the corner and she loves brownies, would it not be nicer to make homemade ones rather than store bought ones? And knowing this perfect recipe would be the product of time spent in your kitchen cooking for your own family and honing your skills for service later.

Or perhaps, a more masculine example. Say you've always had a liking for carpentry, but never really knew where to start. You go and buy all the right tools, and inevitably, they sit in your garage collecting dust because you are only halfheartedly taking on this hobby anyway. You watch a few t.v. shows about building things and think to yourself "Wow, that looks easy and we need one of those." (those being whatever it is they are building on t.v.) Now let's say they are building a bench and you want one of those. You buy the lumber, nails, whatever it is you need to build it. Two months later you overhear one of your friends saying that they need a bench to sit on outside since the weather is so nice and his wife is 8 months pregnant and has a hard time sitting on the ground to make beautiful landscapes with chalk with her other children. If you had made that bench of yours two months earlier, you could just give it to your friend or make another one for them.. but you choose to watch more t.v. to get your skills "just right" before starting. So you're sitting there thinking that you had good intentions of course, but that only justifies laziness in most cases.

I often wonder these things because a lot of my personal interests seem to hold more meaning than I had ever intended for them. My most recent example would be that of sign language. All of my life I have thought that I would have a deaf child and that I should learn to sign. I've had countless opportunities to learn basic sign, but I've never really taken advantage of them. When Benjamin was born, I actually thought to myself, "Well, he's not deaf, so it must be our second child and I still have time to learn". Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine that I would need to know sign language for a child that has perfect hearing.

Become masters of your own hobbies. Like to draw? Teach an art class to neighborhood preschoolers. Like to read? Volunteer to teach adults to read. Like to garden? Mow your neighbor's yard when they are on vacation. Like to fix cars? Teach your friend to change his oil. Like to cook? Find a shut in from your church and send them your leftovers. Computers? Teach your Grandmother how to send email.

Service to others does not have to be boring. Life is supposed to be fun!

My surroundings

The older I get and the more I move, the more important it is to me to surround myself with people and things that I love. An outsider looking at my house would probably say it's just full of "stuff". My home is not a "show home" by any stretch of the means and is not a page in a magazine. However, so many of my possessions are irreplaceable and have meanings way beyond their face value.

An outsider would certainly realize my love for artwork because of the mass abundance of paintings hanging on the walls and scattered about the house, but would not know that my Grandmother painted most of them, thus making the paintings infinitely more valuable to me than any Monet hanging in a museum. Outsiders would see that I have an affinity for odd furniture, but would not know that the deacon's bench in the living room was handcrafted by my Grandfather, whom I adored as a child and miss as an adult; and that the ottoman perched on top of it matches the low back chair that once graced the house of my Great-Grandmother, whom I also adored as a child and miss as an adult; and that the artwork hanging above the bench is a painting of Ocean Springs, which is where Warren and I purchased our first home that was all but destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. They would notice three dime-store variety-type canisters in my kitchen filled with various beans and corn, but they would not know that these are the same canisters that my Mom used decades ago that have managed to survive countless household moves and that I regard them as precious as one of my antique china sets which individual plates value at more than $100, when the movers pack my house every three years. They would notice that the dining room has four unusual pieces of art hanging on the walls, but wouldn't know that the framed doilie was knitted by my Great-Grandmother and later framed by my Grandmother; and that the round painting of a gray house that looks almost identical to my childhood home was a wedding gift from my parents; and that the crayola scribblings displayed front and center is the handiwork of my baby sister, whom was blessed with wonderful creative abilities at a young age. They would see three stuffed teddy bears now displayed in Benjamin's room on a high shelf, but would not know that two of those bears belonged to his Mother and one belonged to his Father, and that his parents both remember the names of all three bears. I could go on and on...

I encourage you to surround yourself with things that you LOVE, not things that are simply on the clearance shelf at Pier One Imports. There are simply too many Jones' to keep up with in this world. I'm content with being a Gilliland.

New Blog

So I have the other blog: Benjaminsmamma, but that is entirely centered around Benjamin... and the parenting joys and dilemmas I encounter, so I figured that I should have another blog that is centered around the rest of my life. My musings, if you will. No idea how often this blog will be updated... perhaps more than the other one, perhaps less. It's fun to read comments, so if you have something to say, don't let your inhibitions stop you. I promise to be nice most of the time. :)