I'm totally pregnant. Not just a little bit anymore- like almost showing belly and half a week into my second trimester. Funny that I had to look the weeks up for the trimesters considering that the first time around I was a serious expert on all things pregnancy related. I think I had my midwife online degree when I was pregnant with Benjamin. I knew exactly what week the fingernails developed and how big the baby was at all times and exactly what medicines I could take and which ones were not recommended. Now I have to look everything up because I must have misplaced those brain cells that enabled me to learn that material the first time around. I like how some books call it "Mommy fog". I think mine is equivalent to mountain fog on some days. Shenandoah mountain fog.
So if I'm completely honest with you, I must say that it's sort of hard to muster up any type of excitement over this pregnancy and the thought of having another baby. Don't misunderstand me though, it isn't as if I'm sad or depressed, so don't go calling social services on me. I think that it is mostly worry that I won't have enough hours in the day or enough time to take care of two children. And not only two children, but rather Benjamin plus a baby. Everyone says that your second baby is better than the first and it isn't as hard because you know what to expect and all that nonsense. I'm not worried for the baby, I'm more worried for Benjamin. Am I going to have enough time to take care of his needs as well as the needs for the baby? I think that everyone wants to nod and say, "Of COURSE you'll have enough time for both of them". And I know that some of you might have numerous children and none of them suffered and yadda yadda, so why would I worry? I'm not a worrisome person by nature, really. It's just that for those of you that know Benjamin and how we have given a thousand percent to him this year and how much progress he has made... and it concerns me that his progress will either stop or regress... and there will be nothing that I can do about it really. And oh, what if we have another Benjamin baby... Well, if we do, we'll be armed with more knowledge than most parents could ever dream of having. But then again, we could have a neurotypical child and then what would we do with ourselves?
Armed reminds me of armor and armor reminds me of the song that you sing in nursery school called "The Armor of God"... just thought I'd throw in that mental thought pattern because Warren is always laughing at how my brain works. The basic chorus goes "put on the armor of God, so you can stand"... you'd think that by the literal meaning of armor, you'd have a hard time standing because the weight of the armor would be holding you down... but God's armor is much lighter than the weight of the world, isn't it? I think I'll go with that one.
