Smiling, finally.

This being Easter weekend, I thought this post would be truly appropriate. This post is primarily meant for facebook since everybody knows that if it's not posted on fb, it's doesn't mean anything.  haha. 

I am blessed with optimism.  Most situations in my life really are viewed as half-full.  I can't say with all certainty that I've always been this optimistic, but I can't recall a time in my life where I've consistently viewed things as half-empty.  Having known several people the complete opposite, I view this attitude as a blessing indeed.  Maybe there is a verse for optimism that someone would like to share on here. 

Having said above statement, I will be honest and say that I have not been completely thankful or optimistic for this pregnancy.  This might come as a shock to some of you, and maybe not so much of a shock to others.  Today being Easter, the church was packed full of people singing "Hosanna" by Hillsong.  I've heard this song probably 200 times in all seriousness, but the lyric "show me how to love like you have loved me" struck a chord in my heart today.  As the rest of the congregation was singing the remainder of the song, I stood there and thought about what that lyric meant and why I was supposed to hear it and remain still in God at that moment.  I am one of those people who truly believes that everything happens for a reason, so I tend to listen when I get such a calling. 

This line of "show me how to love like you have loved me" is in all actuality a prayer, or in my case, a wake-up call.  I have not loved this unborn child as Christ loved me.  Not even remotely.  I have almost been ambivalent about the whole situation.  (May I just say that Warren, blessed man, has been excited for the both of us since day 1.)  We weren't planning on having another child for at least a few more years, so I think most of this attitude comes from me being a tad bit upset that this happened to Benjamin.  Yes, you read that right, I said to Benjamin.  Part of me was upset that I wouldn't be enough for him and how could I have let this happen?  I almost felt guilty for being able to get pregnant when I didn't even want it to happen. 

So today at approximately 11:00am, God showed me again who was in control and that I deserve to be happy for this baby!  This baby deserves a place in this family that is completely his/her own without my parenting issues hovering around it.  After understanding why I was supposed to hear that verse today, I found myself smiling, finally.